You gotta have...

Everything happens for a reason and exactly when it’s suppose to. It’s part of God’s plan. Remembering it’s part of God’s plan and having faith that it will all work out is the hard part. My brain has always been a constant spinning tire on a wide rim sporting multiple spokes spread in every direction. You know like those flashy 32s, spinning, thin, low profile tires you see on a lowered gangster impala. That’s my brain. Luckily I have just the amount of air pressure to make for a nice easy ride most of the time, and well, these days my life is pretty easy in itself most of the time. When little things don’t go as planned I deflate just enough air to smoothly accommodate the bumps and carry on. However, when a storm blows in, of course, I scream in fear, searching for a safe place, trying to avoid it at all cost! That’s not really the best plan, I sometimes still try it anyway. We are meant to plow through the storm, so I do, unwillingly. Those clouds of anxiety pouring down heavy on me rattle everything off balance. Tires spinning, reaching dangerous speed, creating high pressure and hot air. I pray in panic. I try to stay focused, in control, keeping calm and steady as the slick road challenges me. I tell myself to slow down, pull aside if needed and wait patiently. It saves me from spinning out of control. The chaos always subsides eventually... I was raised with faith and I believe in God. I know the power of prayer and I have many times been lost, handing it all over to the good Lord above. That great powerful man has it all figured out already. Still, I am human, my heart and brain react immediately when a change in my life or challenge presents itself. My faith is pretty strong but I know God isn’t a genie and he doesn’t just grant wishes. It never matters how simple or small something might be, if I don’t have an immediate solution it gets the best of me. I would say it’s a curse but I don’t believe in such things so we can just say my engine is super touchy. Maybe I have a short fuse. Worry kicks in when I am faced with the unknown. Stress stalls me, then roars loudly and shifts into gear recklessly, squealing at accelerating speeds even when I’m pumping the breaks to slow down. I try to make it a short ride for that pointless panic of mine. I greet it with a deep slow breath and say my goodbye with a long exhale. God never gives you more than you can handle. He will step in if need be. If you still have to panic, just panic lightly like me. I panic so often pulling myself back together no longer requires any personal pep talk or self coaching. I wipe the water away so my eyes have a clear view. I turn down the humming distracting tunes in my head, silencing everything, I wait... Hoping the wait will spark a solution in my brain quickly. Waiting sucks! Trust me I know! I hate online shopping especially for that reason! You pay for something, it’s yours... Your email dings with an order confirmation before you even close the site! The transaction clears your account just as quickly! Now you have to wait... And wait... And hope the Fedex guy leaves your package on the porch if you happen to be gone. That’s usually my luck. I get some stupid door tag because he needs a “signature upon delivery”. That just adds another day to the wait! Some things, though, are worth the wait. Worth the miles you rack up traveling that long winding road, even when you are low on fuel, not sure of making it to your destination. God always has a plan that’s worth waiting for. May not seem like it at the time... but believe me, I am finally starting to understand that there is a purpose or reason for everything. I, of course, don’t usually figure that all out until later down the road. For those of you who think I am talking craziness let me explain MY take on God’s plan, or at least when it comes to what I have witnessed in my life... No one is ever going to walk up to you and say “I know you were worried about not having a ride to work so here’s a car for you” or “I heard you didn’t have enough money for your rent this month so I will pay it for you”. Let’s get real! If that was the case we would all be a bunch of lazy irresponsible brats, without a worry in sight, sitting around on our asses! God’s plan isn’t just going to show up and present itself to you with a “this is God’s plan” label either, so don’t get all mad thinking God hasn’t planned anything for you. God’s plan is already in place for all of us and working in its own way daily in our lives. God’s plan may not include a new car but with a little effort on your part, maybe a few phone calls, I’m almost positive you can find a willing friend to give you a ride in the mean time. That willing friend who is happy to help you out is what God planned. God’s plan most likely won’t be for you to win the lottery when you’re short on funds either so don’t go wasting the money you do have buying power ball tickets and praying to hit it big. His plan however may have your boss offering overtime or you being asked to cover a sick coworkers shift to earn that extra cash you’re needing. The thing about God’s plan is you have to be willing to put in some of the work. You have to be open to his offer in helping you. Take the opportunity when it presents itself, whether you want to or not. You have to do your part and he will do his. If you don’t do your part you’re going to be waiting a really long time to see his plan start to take any kind of shape. I am always put in my best effort at work, and some weeks fall apart with cancellations. I do my part to fill in what I can, text some clients I know are over due. If that doesn’t fill my book someone always calls wanting that empty spot. That call, those spots filling up, that’s God lending me a hand. I always have the clients needed in my work week to make the funds to provide for my family. I know my priorities, I appreciate what I have. I save for the rainy days. I trust that God will always help provide me an opportunity to work for whatever I lack. After renting my dear friend’s house for almost 2 years it was time to move on. I panicked immediately when reading my dear friend’s text “call me when you have a minute to talk”. A minute to talk? I could barely breathe. I was in the beginning stages of a full on panic! The wheels in my head spinning in high speed. I knew what she was going to say. I wasn’t ready to move! Shit! What in the heck am I going to do?! How will I ever find a place? I had a few minutes between clients. I quickly said goodbye to my panic with a few deep breaths and long exhales, calming myself. I gathered my emotions and phoned my dear friend. She said exactly what I had expected. She wanted to sell the house I was currently living in. She had bought it ten years prior with her ex-husband and now the housing market was back up and she could sell. She needed to say goodbye to that house so she could begin a new chapter with the man she planned to soon marry. She wasn’t telling me I had to move, it was more of a heads up, start planning. She didn’t want to be a landlord and she figured I would want to buy a place of my own eventually. I wasn’t financially ready to purchase a home! My credit wasn’t where it needed to be! Deep breath...long slow exhale... I did, thankfully, have some savings. I needed to find a place. I told her I would check into my options and she told me if it was a problem she could wait. Wait!?!? My dear friend is so amazing she would actually potentially pass up her chance to sell and make some money so I wouldn’t have to move! No. No way, I wouldn’t let that happen. She had done so much for me already. I would figure it out. I would panic. I would pray. I would figure it out either way. I hadn’t planned on living in my dear friend’s house forever, but I probably would have. That house was just fine for me. I hate moving! That house had also been my security blanket for years, even before living there myself. It housed my dear friend. It was my safe haven when my marriage was falling apart. Where I ran when I needed sound advice. The open door when in need of an escape during my divorce. It was the same layout, same walls and same tile floor of the first home my ex-husband and I had bought years ago, the home my baby boy took his first steps in and celebrated his first holidays. I was at ease in my dear friend’s home. It was a mirror image of my first home. My once happy home! It sat directly across the street from all those precious past memories. I had lived in a big house with a pool. I had lived in a house with new high end appliances and beautiful flooring. I had lived in the desirable, centrally located family neighborhood. None of those homes meant what this one did to me. That big house with a pool didn’t make life better. Those new high end stainless appliances and that beautiful flooring didn’t solve the problems my marriage had faced. Living in that desirable family neighborhood didn’t mean my son and I were guaranteed happiness. My dear friend’s house was just a simple modest home, but it was where my son and I were happy. It was the start of living a better life. It was my promise to my son that he would always have a stable place to call home, his own room, and friends would always be welcome no matter the day. It was where I started living on my own terms, learned to budget my life and started to save for the future. Living in that home I proved that I was capable of taking care of myself and my son. I could be happy without a man. My son was the only person I needed and all my son needed was me. I could be a single mom and a good one. I could have a successful career and work just as I had before. Our home, like l said, was small, simple and probably not even an option for those who seek value in material things. For me though it was the place I found happiness again after years of searching. It was my reminder that happiness didn’t come from having materialistic things, a big house, or money. That house was where I discovered who I was and learned to love the person God made me to be. Now it was time to move on. I was sad to think I had to leave. I was in a panic thinking where I would go! I broke the news to my son and my live in boyfriend (yes he lived with us and he knew my views, my promise to my son and respected it, that’s the kind of man he is). I searched rentals in the area. It wasn’t going to be easy to find a place and it wasn’t going to be anything fancy or even the same as what we had if I didn’t up my price range. I have strict rules for myself and living within humble means is a big one! I started to feel uneasy dreading the thought of moving. I wanted to stay close to my work, my friends and my son’s school. I prayed for God to help us find a place. I still knew it was gonna take some work on my part, more work than just viewing rentals listed before me on my phone. I sent a text to a few of my clients. I let them know I was looking for a place, told them my budget, and that I hoped to stay in the same area of town. Within a few minutes my phone rang. My loyal every 3 week client already had an address for me along with a phone number for the lady who currently occupied the home. I had to set up a time to see it. The address immediately stuck out to me. It was located on the same street as all my precious past memories, my and my son’s and happy home, my security blanket. It was like God’s way of saying “it’s time to move”. My loyal client was sure it was a perfect place for my little family. She had already put in a good word for me. I had to act fast, only 24 hours to see the house and decide. I called my dear friend and updated her. If I wanted the house I had to be willing to start my lease on the first. That was only a week away. My dear friend was more than excited for me. She didn’t want me to miss a good opportunity, if I wanted the place go for it, we would work out details later, she is a saint like that. I drove by the house in question late that evening when I got off work. I had sent a text to the lady living there but didn’t get a reply. It looked like an average home from what I could see in the dark. Enough for my little family, I am pretty easy to please. That night I prayed for everything...Let me have a break in my day to go see the house, let this house have everything my family needs, let it be in budget for living within my means, let us all agree if its meant to be. Honestly, I couldnt care less where I live as long as I have a safe place for my son. My son deserves a home that he can be proud of and a space to call his own for his friends and him to enjoy. My boyfriend isn’t one to care either, he can be happy sleeping in a bed or on the floor. One of the many reasons I love him. His little girl though deserves a nice place to stay when she comes to visit her dad. I knew God had a plan and I was almost sure this house was part of it. I mean who really lives on the same street in three different houses ?!?! My phone beeped late that night. The lady that occupied the home replying to my text. She apologized for the delayed response, she would be home all day and up early if we wanted to come by before work. Early morning it was. My boyfriend and I knocked on the large oversized front door and we were welcomed in by the lady, she was more than happy to show us around.......I was more than happy to meet a hairless cat in person for the first time!! I always wanted to see a hairless cat in real life!! She had two!! I was sooooo excited!! I lost focus of everything else and had to know all about these naked beauties before me. I wanted a hairless cat! Maybe she would leave one behind in the move for me! My boyfriends voice of reason pulled me back to reality as he commented on the beautiful wood like tile floors. This house was fancy! Definitely way nicer than anything I had seen listed for rent and way nicer then any place I ever planned on living. It was also practically brand new, the lady had lived there maybe a year. The beautiful wood like tile floors flowed all the way through to the back of the house, white full faced cabinets topped with granite, in all the shades I love wrapped two walls forming an open kitchen. A large island balanced out the opposite side and made for plenty of counter space along with an over hang to accommodate an eat at bar area and three well spaced barstools. Just right for our little family. Bathrooms ideal in size, both with dual under mount sinks, the same white cabinets, granite and good lighting. It wasn’t a large home only about 1400 square feet, but it had the best use of space. It only had two bedrooms but that’s all we really would need. The master sized just right with a closet twice the size as mine currently so it would definitely work for me. The other room was huge! Like almost too big, a loft in New York didn’t even have that square footage. It was currently being used by the lady as a sewing, crafting, scrapbooking dream retreat. The lady and I had a lot in common, I’m a serious sewing, crafting, scrapbooking lady as well. On top of that she was once also a hairstylist. Odd isn’t it ? Not to me. It all made sense this was meant to be! I snapped a few photos and sent them straight to my son. We thanked the lady for her time and made our exit. I asked my boyfriend his thoughts, he said it would definitely work and he would totally be happy living in that home the rest of our lives. His spoken words were everything I was saying in my own mind. I was sure this was the place we were meant to call home. It was way better than I expected. We could lease it for the next year, then buy it if we wanted! I called my loyal client right away and told her we wanted the house. She knew we would, she would let the owner know and give him my number to contact me. I prayed I would meet the owners qualifications, I thanked God for his help finding a place and for the money we were fortunate enough to have saved for this sudden change our life was maybe about to take. The owner called within the hour. Praise the Lord the wait wasn’t long cause it was already more than I could take! He asked a few simple questions “do you have kids? pets? a husband?”. He let me know what the rent would be and said it was same for the deposit. He told me he would have the keys for me on the first and asked if I had any questions. Questions? Don’t you need me to do credit application? Don’t you want some references? He didn’t need all that. My loyal client had already vouched for me, he trusted her word, that’s all he would need. The house was ours and we could move in a week! It was almost too good to be true. Finding a house so quickly, having the money we needed to move saved and knowing that if we never wanted to move again we could buy this place. Having such a beautiful home that fit my “living within my means” budget! I was ecstatic! It was more excitement than I could bare. It was all part of God’s plan from the moment my dear friend decided to sell her place. I did my part, prayed and had faith (after my panic of course). I had made those phone calls searching for a home, I had been frugal with my money and built up my savings. I had proven to my loyal client I was a dependable person and a hard worker so she didn’t hesitate to put in a good word for me. Leaving my dear friend’s house was bittersweet. It was just a house and I knew that. I knew I was taking my happiness with me. There was never a reason for my panic, still it always gets the best of me. Everything happens for a reason, exactly when it’s supposed to, just how God plans for it to be. I am so grateful for my loyal client’s kindness and willingness to stop what she was doing in that very moment of my text to help me find a home for my family. I’m so thankful that my son has a place he loves and his own space to relax in. I am so relieved that I listened to that inner voice and my loyal supportive boyfriend when he suggested we start saving extra money all those months before. I put in my part and after all the years of wondering if my hard work would ever pay off, questioning why I stay late working when I didn’t really need that extra cash. It all came together. I may not belong to a church or sit in the house of the Lord every weekend but I do have some strong faith. I pray when I need guidance and I thank the good Lord up above for the blessings he continually tosses in my direction. I try my very best to be a loving person and help anyone in my path. I didn’t always have faith this strong. I didn’t always trust God’s plan. I wasn’t always paying attention to the opportunities he laid out before me. I wasn’t doing my part. I would see him working in the lives of people around me. I was happy to know he really was a man with a plan but still I didn’t think he was working very much for me. He was though, I was just too busy blaming life and others for any mishaps to stop and notice maybe it was because I passed on opportunities, I slowed down my own plan. Little by little, these past few years, I started to pay attention more and more to how God’s plan works (or at least how I think it does). It’s always a freedom of choice on our behalf. God lays each opportunity before us and we can take it, do our part and move a step closer to his plan or we can pass and wait for the next opportunity. I am taking every opportunity he gives me, doing my part and moving forward. My faith tells me it will be worth the work. I can’t wait to see what he has planned for me next.